Dale-Time

In my previous post I said that in its most basic form “Service” is something you do for someone else and Great Service is doing that something with heart and a smile on your face.

Typically I think most funeral homes give wonderful service. They care about the people and they do the standard stuff they have done for the last 75 years with compassion and empathy. But because so much of what they traditionally do is tied to the body and the box, many funeral homes are having a hard time seeing that the things they do that are not tied to the body and the box are services too. And those other services are just as important as the traditional services. Plus, with an increase in cremation, no viewing and memorial services it’s those other services that are going to have to produce the income that we will all need to stay in business.

The services that are tied to the body and the box all have the “Spook Factor” attached to them and that typically has played to our advantage. “The Spook Factor” (my wife invented that term) is anything having to do with a dead body. The general public is scared of dead people. It gives them the creeps. It’s spooky. Horror movies are all about death and dead people. But we funeral folks are the small special breed that isn’t scared of dead people. So the general public calls on us to take care of the things that scare them. And since we’re already taking care of the dead body they figure they might as well use us for all the events that involve that body. And that’s where all of the traditional services that we provide came from.

We, funeral folks, have always provided those services involving the body with care, compassion and kindness. For the most part, we are not in this line of work to get rich (God knows that’s never going to happen to me) but we are in this line of work because we like to take care of people.  Deep down we know that there is a spiritual, religious, psychological and sociological purpose for what we do and why we do it. But I think, over the years, our focus on the body and the box have led many people in Funeral Service to believe that the value of a funeral is all centered around the body, it’s preparation, the viewing of it, the ceremony involving it and taking the body to it’s final destination.

Unfortunately that is a very self-serving belief. Attempts to “educate the public” in the belief of this value will ultimately fail because the public will (and does) see it as self-serving. Using the mere handful of funeral industry psychologists that support this belief as experts will not work either. If it were true that we, as human beings, absolutely needed to view a dead body and have a ceremony with that body present to have a healthy recovery from the emotional loss of that person, then the whole world would be filled with crazy people and every other day there would be a different expert on “Dr. Phil” and “Oprah” telling us view dead bodies. I do believe that there is value in viewing a body for some people. And that there is value in ceremony for most people. But the value of a funeral does not require a body, or a box or even an official ceremony.

What I have come to believe is this:

The true value of a funeral is the Gathering Together of People to share Stories of love, memories, respect, and honor. We, as human beings, need that contact and the emotional connection. We gather together at happy times and sad times. We gather at births, graduations, weddings, anniversaries, retirements and deaths. We gather to worship, to praise, to celebrate and to mourn. And at every one of those gatherings…. we tell stories. It is through those stories that we share our love, knowledge, memories, respect and honor for one another.

It’s our job as funeral directors to make that Gathering easy, comfortable, meaningful and memorable for all who attend. It’s our job to help people tell their stories and help people hear the stories of others. Each gathering can be as unique or traditional as desired. It can include a multitude of products, music, personal items and food. And yes, the Gathering can include the body and the box and a parade to the final resting place. The pieces and parts all add to the value of the whole. But at the core, the true value always comes back to the same two elements; The gathering of people and the telling of stories.

In My next post I’ll talk about the “Other Services” we now provide and how all of it relates to the core Value of Funerals.

I’m Dale Clock. Thanks for listening.