Last week I had a good employee quit because his wife couldn’t handle our schedule. I have known him for many years. He first came to me over 10 years ago and said he really wanted to be funeral director. At that time he had kids in grade school and his wife had just gotten through nursing school. In those days in order for me to hire him he would have needed to take some more classes at the local college and then go off to mortuary school for a year, pass his boards and become a licensed funeral director. I had him do some part-time work for us to see if this is really what he wanted. It lasted for a couple months and he realized that what he had at his present job (pay/benefits/vacation) were too good for him to give it all up and start over, even though in his heart he felt a calling for funeral service.
Three years ago he approached me again. The industry he worked in was rapidly changing and the future there wasn’t as rosy. Things had changed in the funeral industry too. We were at nearly 50% cremation and I was able to hire arrangers instead of Funeral Directors because embalming wasn’t needed for half of our cases. And Michigan law allows me to do that too. So after 18 month’s of negotiations (I could tell his wife was calling a lot of the shots behind the scenes), starts and stops and changes at his employer, he finally came to work at the funeral home.
He was great with families. They liked him and he liked them. He took great care of them and they said wonderful things about the care they got. But right from the start there were challenges with the schedule. He was always very concerned about his days off and vacation and being on call, etc…. (really, it was his wife that had the challenges) We have a good schedule here with 5 people on the “On Call” rotation. Two weekends off out of five (and those are 3 day weekends to boot). A separate transfer crew that handles 85% of our death calls. All a far cry from every other night, every other weekend and middle of the night death calls like lots of folks in funeral service.
He was slowly turning into what I call a Fred Flintstone employee. You know the opening of the Flintstones cartoon show where Fred’s working at the quarry on the dinosaur and they pull on the bird’s tail to Squawk the quitting time whistle. Then Fred slides down the dinosaur tail shouting Yabba Dabba Do. A Fred Flintstone employee is someone who’s more concerned about when it’s time to go home than making sure the job is done and helping out his fellow workers. There are a whole lot of people in the world that look at work like that. That’s why we have TGIF and Hump Day and songs like “Everybody’s Working for the Week-End”.
Well there’s no TGIF in funeral service. I often joke to people that I’ve been trying to get people to die only Monday through Friday, 9 to 5 but the world doesn’t want to cooperate. In funeral service Saturday has always been just a regular workday. And my father always told me that his dad told him that “a day off is a privilege, not a rite”. That type of mind frame doesn’t work with some folks and the other “Fred Flintstones” that have worked at the funeral home over the years never last very long.
You see, being in funeral service is not a job, it’s part of who we are. It’s part of our internal make-up. We understand that we are here to take care of people when they need to be taken care of. And that doesn’t always happen on a schedule. It happens on weekends and holidays and after five o’clock. And we typically don’t try to adjust the schedule to fit our lives; instead we adjust our lives to fit the schedule.
That’s not to say that we don’t all need time off and vacations and family time and a life away from work. We do. But people (and their families) that really understand and love being in funeral service know that sometimes the schedule has to be flexible. We know that in the end, the relatively small time away from our family and friends will be more than compensated for.
So it was disappointing that my former employee’s family couldn’t see that. In the short 18 months that he was here he made a difference in hundreds of peoples lives. It’s sad to think about the thousands of other lives he could have made a difference in.
When he gave me his two week notice he was sure to time it so he was done working just before the Christmas weekend, which he was scheduled to work. So I’ll cover that shift. And my family will understand if I need to take an hour or two out of the day to take care of somebody that needs my help. Because being in funeral service is not a job. It’s part of who I am.
I’m Dale Clock. Thanks for listening.
Dale-Time 
Dale…spot on and cogent. I think is is one of the best funeral service articles I have read in a very long time. It’s a new generation with different values than you and I.
As my staff departed today for Christmas weekend, I was left with ten cases to deal with..some burials and some simple cremations, but ten cases nonetheless…..and then we discovered a gas leak at the crematory. One of the guys mentioned a “sweat smell” and left to go home. I got there from the other location and found a gas leak at the meter, then waited 45 minutes for the gas company to arrive. Got home in time for cold baked ziti.
All but one won’t be back until Tuesday. Some times I own the business and some times it owns me. Merry Christmas brother…..RJV
Ray,
And a Merry Christmas to you and your family too. (the four legged ones included). May the Spirit of Christmas be with you through out the coming year. Peace
Dale
The attitude of your “former” employee is why it is so hard for us ‘young’ people to get a job. While there are a few of us who do want to work in this profession there are many with the wrong attitude. I hear from some young people who say ‘why can’t I get a job, no one will hire me’. This is a service industry as you said. Some times my wife will question a late night phone call but most of the time understands that this is what we “funeral professionals” do. Like I say to her when she married me she knew what she was getting into and we both said “I do”.
Have a good Holiday and good luck in your quest.
DRH
I guess I am lucky to have a wife and family that understands that sometimes a dinner is interrupted, an event is missed or that trip is delayed because of work. They understand, but sometimes it doesn’t make it any easier on them or me.
I remember interviewing for an apprentice position at the ripe old age of 19 and asking my future mentor about the long hours and family. I remember he told me how important it was to have an understanding wife and there would be those times. He told me a story of a young man that he had worked with and had a very bright future in funeral work, but eventually had to leave the profession to save his marriage. Though I have never met this person, this story has been with me for years. When I put in those extra long work days and weeks, I am thankful that my wife does not have me choose between a career that I am passionate about or my marriage.
I’ve never had a big desire to own my own funeral home. I prefer to put in my 50-60 hours a week and go home. This doesn’t mean that I am any less passionate about my job or the families I help serve or dedicated to the company that I work for, but I never wanted the trouble of how is the hole in the parking lot going to get fixed, finding the money to take care of the broken furnace or dealing with the disgruntled employee. Though ask anyone that I have worked for and they will tell you that I am usually the first one at the funeral home if there is a facility crisis, an extra person needed for a visitation, funeral, or removal and just ask my wife how many times I have mentally brought my work home with me.
I have used the Fred Flintstone analogy before and unfortunately I have worked with those types of people. What’s even more frustrating is seeing someone cutting corners just to slide down that dinosaur tail and still be the first one out the door. I can’t tell you the number of times I have had to reset chairs or flowers for a funeral because they just wanted to get out of there. Worse yet, walk into the prep room the next morning and see a poor job of embalming because they didn’t get started until 4 pm and they wanted to leave by 5 pm. So maybe having your Fred Flintstone employee leave isn’t so bad after all.
As far as leaving just before Christmas, I can’t fault him for doing this. I recently left my job of 11 years on December 24th. (I will be starting my new job on January 3rd.) It was a tough decision to leave on that date when I was scheduled to be on call Christmas weekend. I didn’t want to see any of my co-workers work on that weekend when it was my holiday, but my wife talked sense into me and convinced me that my family needed me and would appreciate me being home and not on call. (Thank you Jenny!) Besides I was mentally out of it and it wouldn’t have been fair to a good employer to be a “Fred Flintstone” those last couple of days. Thank you Todd for taking that weekend. As a friend, I am glad you weren’t busy, but since you are an owner, you probably were wishing the opposite.
Yes, funeral service is a calling, a way of life, it’s who we are. It’s also way of life for our families and sometimes it defines who they are too. I am thankful for their understanding and patience.
Great comments Joe. It’s a pleasure to see that you understand both sides of the running a funeral home. I’m sure Todd appreciated your years of dedication. Good luck on the new job.
Dale
I’d like to respond to the folks that haven’t been real happy with this post. I’m sorry that you were offended by my comments. I apologize for causing you and your friends any emotional pain.
That was not my intent.
As a blogger I write about the challenges of running a small family business. I hope that my comments will help other business folks who have some of the same challenges. Being a boss can be a lonely job and it’s nice to know that we’re not alone out there fighting the good fight.
It was my hope that this post would help other people who were considering funeral service see that it’s important that the whole family is behind you. Otherwise it’s just not going to be a good fit for anyone.
Here’s hoping that the New Year brings much success to all of my readers.
Peace
Dale